I once found myself on a flight, growing irritated as a baby nearby began to wail. “Why can’t the parents keep the baby quiet?” I wondered. “Just give them a bottle, a pacifier, do something!” However, over time, my perspective has shifted, and now I understand the real frustration isn’t with the baby crying. Rather, it’s with the helplessness of the parent trying everything in their power to calm them down. It feels a lot like being inside a sinking boat; no one outside can fully grasp the stress of trying to keep it afloat.
What can parents do to quiet a crying or fussy baby? And what happens if they try everything and still can’t soothe the baby? If people start to complain about the “noise”, does it make you a bad parent? When you have a newborn, you might want to pray for understanding neighbours. I learned this the hard way, and it’s one I won’t soon forget. Let’s read on.
My Experience
In 2022, my husband and I bought our first home. We were full of excitement about this new chapter as we moved in with our 21-month-old daughter. A few months in, we received an unexpected email with the subject line, “[our address] – Noise Disturbance.” Instead of being angry, I was bewildered. According to the email, there had been “regular noise disturbances” coming from our home. The nerve of some neighbours!
Naturally, we asked for clarification on what exactly “general noise” constituted as highlighted in the email. We didn’t throw late-night parties or have loud arguments, which are typical reasons for noise complaints. Lo and behold, the “noise disturbance” pertained to a “crying baby” after hours!
I was livid. I shot back an email, explaining how absurd the complaint was and blaming the thin walls of the building – something beyond our control. This particular complex didn’t allow pets, but there was no such rule against children, so the complaint held no ground. I questioned where we were supposed to live our lives authentically if not in our own home. I also even welcomed reasonable suggestions on how to handle the situation.
Though we never found out who the complainant was, we had our suspicions. I’m pretty sure they didn’t have kids, or like kids. I imagine they were as relieved as we were when we eventually moved out. That whole ordeal completely shifted my mindset about how to handle my second baby and toddler when they become fussy. Let’s dive into some tips.
Research Insight
After my experience, I was surprised to hear how common similar complaints are. I came across a story from Australia where a new mom received a letter from a neighbour, complaining about the noise from her crying baby (Meakins, 2024). The mom was heartbroken, calling the note unreasonable, and wished the neighbour had approached her for a one-on-one conversation instead.
It’s incredibly frustrating when your baby is fussy and you don’t know why. And since babies can’t tell us what’s wrong, it adds another layer of difficulty. Babies cry for all sorts of reasons: hunger, discomfort (maybe their wet diaper or feeling hot/cold), trapped wind, illness, colic, teething, or even constipation. Here are a few tried-and-true methods to help calm a fussy baby, according to Nurofen (2024):
How to Calm a Fussy Baby
- A warm bath before bed might relax them for a peaceful night’s sleep.
- Hold the baby close to your body so they can hear your heartbeat.
- A gentle back massage can help soothe and calm the baby.
- Sing, hum, or play calming music – even white noise can work wonders.
- Offer comfort, whether through breastfeeding, a pacifier, or a favourite blankie.
- Reduce stimulation by dimming lights, regulating screentime and quieting the environment to help baby relax.
Many of these tips can also be effective for toddlers and young children, not just babies.
Conclusion
Complaints about noisy children aren’t new, and they aren’t going away anytime soon. Some babies, naturally, don’t fuss as much as others who need more soothing. What works for one might not work for another. A crying baby isn’t noise. Noise can be turned down, but how do you “turn down” a baby when you’re struggling to understand what their cry means? As parents, we’re often lost in translation, trying to decode whether it’s hunger, discomfort, or something else entirely. In these moments, what we really need is empathy, not frustration.
If none of the tips work, don’t be too hard on yourself – you’re doing your best. Both you and your neighbours will get through it. Your fussy baby will eventually calm down, and this challenging phase will pass. But it’s time to normalise the fact that babies are meant to cry – it’s a natural part of their development. So, let’s embrace this reality with patience and understanding – parenting is hard enough without the added pressure of judgment or guilt-tripping.
Action Point
Do you have any other tips for soothing a fussy baby? I’d love to hear them! Share your experiences in the comment section.
Reference
Meakins, T. 2004. Neighbour’s ‘unreasonable’ note about baby leaves mum ‘in tears’. Accessed on 6 May 2024. Available at: https://au.news.yahoo.com/neighbours-unreasonable-note-about-baby-leaves-new-mum-in-tears-043010182.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=YW5kcm9pZC1hcHA6Ly9jb20uZ29vZ2xlLmFuZHJvaWQuZ29vZ2xlcXVpY2tzZWFyY2hib3gv&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAH7vbpX_cbRuUTATfJ6FDxsGkIdVTg0YLfTtg5ji3OyQk772DiwP9kDEjiJWCDVkLDSs0UISKsyY-b9csrzf6IgefW8gR87KVrmiFwTiXa7rGZderENBjq6q0eghQZpyNrQbgFa9B1oQ2C65iX507dr0XblFrGTX6_V_5FZQ5YFx
Nurofen. 2024. Why is Your Baby Crying at Night? 7 Tips to Soothe Them. Accessed on 5 September 2024. Available at: https://www.nurofen.co.uk/children/articles/why-do-babies-cry-at-night-7-ways-to-soothe-night-time-crying/#:~:text=The%20most%20common%20reason%20that,out%20why%20they%20are%20crying.