Absolutely! Children can indeed show a preference for one parent over the other. This is a common concern among parents, and understanding how to handle it can make a big difference. While it’s often assumed that young children always cling more to their mothers, many children surprisingly show a strong preference for their dads, especially daughters.
The preference for one parent can occur at any age – for babies, young children and even through adulthood. Terms like “daddy’s girl” and “mama’s boy” capture endearing attachments between a daughter/son and their dad/mom. Let’s explore some reasons for the one-parent preference phenomenon and how to respond to it.
My Experience
From birth, my daughter has been a true “daddy’s girl.” At almost four years old, she eagerly awaits his arrival every evening, lighting up when he walks in. They spend quality time by taking walks and exploring nature; reading books or simply playing indoor games together. Watching them cuddle, chat, and play is heartwarming. Looking back, I realize I shared more personality traits with my dad, which might have made him my preferred parent?
Earlier this week, my daughter got upset towards the end of our walk. As we approached the home, she burst into hot tears and sprinted towards the door. Realizing that it was locked, she ran back to me and wailed “I want daddy!” As soon as I opened the door, she ran to him and the moment he held her, she calmed down instantly. It’s clear that she sees her dad as a channel of comfort and security.
On the flip side, my almost two-year-old son is a “mama’s boy.” He rarely leaves my side unless he’s asleep. He cries when I’m out of sight even though I assure him I’ll return. Nevertheless, I sure leave him with his dad occasionally to encourage and strengthen their bonding. I’m looking forward to when he turns three – there’s something special about that age! Read on to see why age three is so special.
Research Insight
According to Malhotra (2022), “daddy’s girls” tend to trust their dad’s decisions, while boys might challenge them more. Cottrell, (2024) notes that it’s normal for young children to prefer one parent/caregiver over the other and sometimes switch. This may be tied to the current developmental milestones or even genetics of the child.
While mothers are usually the first source of comfort, fathers are often the first significant male figure in a baby’s life (Malhotra, 2022). In other words, “… there is a difference in the intensity of bonds a girl kid and a boy kid form with their dads” (Malhotra, 2022).
In 2022, Financial Samurai alludes that by two-years-old, a child no longer solely relies on the mother for food and survival. Consequently, they start seeking more interaction with their fathers, opening doors to stronger bonds. This engagement leads to more feeding and play time between the two. Fathers usually “always care for their daughters more” than others (Malhotra, 2022). By the age of three, children become more responsive, making it easier for fathers to bond with them. (Financial Samurai, 2022).
Responding to the One-Parent Preference
In brief, Cottrell (2024) suggests strategies like joint playtime between the child and both parents. Likewise, individual bonding moments between each parent and the child can help to ease or balance the child’s preference. These responses emphasize positive engagement with the child. Also, during alone time with the child, do fun things and participate as much as possible. The goal is to spend quality time with the child. Engaging in age-appropriate fun activities during one-on-one time will strengthen a parent-child connection.
Conclusion
Research aligns with my experiences that girls may naturally lean toward their dads, as boy towards mom. However, there are always exceptional cases. It’s normal for kids to have shifting preferences. This fluctuation often depends on the individual child’s growth and needs. Therefore, encouraging a healthy, dynamic relationship is key. It is important that the “non-preferred” parent focuses on spending quality time with their child to create lasting bonds. This effort should be supported by the “preferred” parent, to foster strong attachments.
Action Point
Moms, do you feel your child gravitates more towards dad? What signs have you noticed? Share your experiences!
Reference
Cottrell, S. 2024. Is It Normal for a Baby to Prefer One Parent? Accessed on 17 July 2024. Available at: https://www.parents.com/baby/development/is-it-normal-for-a-baby-to-prefer-dad-over-mom/
Financial Samurai. 2022. The Age Children Begin Loving Their Fathers As Much As Their Mothers. Accessed on 15 July 2024. Available at: https://www.financialsamurai.com/the-age-children-begin-loving-their-fathers-as-much-as-their-mothers/#:~:text=Children%20Will%20Start%20Loving%20Their,love%20you’ve%20always%20wanted.
Malhotra, M. 2022. 12 Reasons Why A Father-Daughter Relationship Is The Most Special Relationship In The World. Accessed on 16 July 2024. Available at: https://www.bollywoodshaadis.com/articles/reasons-why-daughters-are-more-attached-to-their-fathers-6482
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