Backtalk, characterized by rude, insolent, argumentative, and quarrelsome behaviour, often becomes more noticeable later in childhood. However, its roots can often be traced back to as early as infancy. At just six months old, children begin to test boundaries and push limits. From throwing toys and food to defying simple instructions, these actions are part of their emotional and cognitive growth as they seek to assert independence.
While it’s understandable that very young children might display such behaviours due to their brain development, it’s important not to condone these attitudes as they grow older. Respectful children are raised through consistent guidance and training. Our focus today is on backtalk – why it happens and how to manage it effectively. Without timely intervention, backtalk can escalate as the child grows. Let’s explore the reasons behind backtalk and strategies to address it.
My Experience
My three-and-a-half-year-old daughter doesn’t exactly backtalk, but she occasionally responds with a sassy attitude. I believe this sassiness, if not addressed early, could lead to more serious backtalk as she grows older. This attitude often emerges more in public settings than at home, and I’ve realized she does it for the attention of others.
When she displays a disrespectful sassy attitude in public, I firmly call her by her native Nigerian name, which she recognizes as a sign of my disapproval, and she adjusts her behaviour accordingly. Once we’re home, I address the behaviour again calmly but firmly. Sometimes, she understands; other times, she doesn’t. Nevertheless, I always make sure to call out inappropriate behaviour.
Given my daughter’s age, I choose to address certain behaviours while ignoring others. Ignoring inappropriate behaviour can do more harm than good, as it might encourage her to repeat it. Although it’s tiring to correct and repeat myself multiple times about the same issue, I believe in the importance of training a child in the right way. Proverbs 22:6, instructs to “train up a child in the way he should go.” This motivates me to stay on this path.
Research Insight
Backtalk is a common behaviour in children, and understanding its causes can help parents address it more effectively. Here are five simple reasons why children may engage in backtalk:
5 Simple Reasons for Backtalk
- Expressing their emotions: According to Miles, (2024) children often use backtalk to express their feelings. When they feel frustrated, upset, or misunderstood, they may respond with rude or defiant language. It’s important to recognize that this is their attempt to communicate their emotions, even if it’s not in the most appropriate way.
- Seeking attention: Sometimes, children backtalk to get the attention of a parent or adult. They may feel that negative attention is better than no attention at all (Miles, 2024). By addressing their behaviour calmly and giving them positive attention when they communicate respectfully, parents can help reduce the need for backtalk.
- Testing boundaries: Moser, (2023) states that testing boundaries is a normal part of a child’s development. Backtalk can be a way for children to see how far they can push limits and what the consequences will be. Consistent and clear boundaries help children understand what is acceptable and what is not.
- Brain Development: It’s in a child’s nature to explore and assert their independence as their brains develop. This can sometimes result in backtalk as they experiment with their newfound cognitive and verbal skills (Moser, 2023). Understanding that this is a developmental phase can help parents respond with patience and guidance.
- Influence: Children are greatly influenced by what they see on TV, their peers, and the outside world (Miles, 2024). If they are exposed to rude or disrespectful behaviour, they may mimic it. Monitoring what your child watches and who they interact with can help mitigate this influence and promote more positive behaviour.
By understanding these reasons, parents can better navigate and address backtalk with the hopes of fostering a more respectful and communicative relationship with their children. From these reasons, here are 5 ways to handle backtalk:
5 Simple Steps to Handle Backtalk
- Communicate clearly: Be consistent in speaking calmly but firmly. Make sure your child understands that backtalk is not acceptable. It’s as simple as saying, “hey! That kind of talk/behaviour is not acceptable here.” This makes the child to understand your stance on things.
- Give warnings: For example, if asking your child to turn off screen devices triggers backtalk, give them a five-minute warning beforehand.
- Offer choices: For young children, give your child two choices you approve of and allow them to choose. This saves time, reduces meltdowns, and makes the child feel valued.
- Know when to ignore backtalk: Sometimes, you may need to turn a deaf ear to your child’s behaviour, even in public spaces. As the parent or adult, practice how remain calm and address the behaviour firmly later.
- Monitor influences: Children are influenced by what they watch and who they hang out with. Ensure their environment promotes respectful behaviour.
Conclusion
Backtalking is a child’s way of expressing themselves, albeit rudely. It is up to the parent to convey disapproval of this behaviour and work on correcting it. Listening to your child and understanding their perspective can also help in managing backtalk effectively. Additionally, young children are prone to peer pressure and testing boundaries to see how much they can get away with. When a child backtalks, it doesn’t have to be seen as outright rudeness. Instead, view it as an opportunity to listen and understand what your child is trying to communicate than shutting them up.
By fostering a nurturing environment, we can help our children grow into confident, respectful, and well-rounded individuals. Consequences for backtalk, such as timeouts or temporarily taking away a beloved item, can reinforce better behaviour. Consistency and patience are key to effectively managing backtalking behaviour in young children. By doing so, you’ll help them develop the skills they need to communicate respectfully and assert their independence in positive ways.
Action Point
Next time you sense some form of backtalk, practice the steps outlined above on how to handle backtalk. Kindly give feedback in the comment section.
Reference
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2022%3A6&version=NKJV
Moser, E. 2023. When do babies start testing boundaries? Accessed on: 28 June 2024. Available at: https://little-genius.ch/blogs/the-days-are-long-but-the-years-short/when-do-babies-start-testing-boundaries#:~:text=Babies%20typically%20begin%20to%20test,vary%20from%20child%20to%20child.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/back%20talk
Miles, K. Talking back: why it happens and what to do about it. Accessed on: 28 June 2024. Available at: https://www.babycenter.com/child/behavior/talking-back-why-it-happens-and-what-to-do-about-it-ages-6-t_67686