The “terrible twos” are often associated with the tantrums, frustration, and defiant behaviour (Christiano D, 2019) of a toddler. This stage is often feared by many parents, especially first time parents. It is commonplace for an adult to get frustrated when things don’t go their way. The same holds true for toddlers who cannot fully express themselves. Tantrums or meltdowns are their way of coping because they are still learning to articulate their feelings and emotions.
This “terrible twos” phase might seem like your young one is acting out all the time, but in reality, they are just being toddlers. Aside health defects, age two is indeed a time of significant growth in many areas – intellectual, social, physical etc. But is the “terrible twos” really a distinct stage? And should we dread it as our little ones approach two years old? Is it factual or mythical?
Let’s explore this through my experiences and see what research also says.
My Experience
I recall when my niece was about to turn two and how curious I was to see what the “terrible twos” stage was all about. I did not have children yet, but I’d heard about this phase from a couple of young moms. I wondered if my niece would be unmanageable. To my surprise, age two was just another phase and seemed no different than ages one and three! However, this was just my view from the Aunty perspective.
As a mom, I reiterate that the “terrible twos” weren’t as bad as people made them out to be. Maybe because my daughter had achieved many positive milestones at two. She mastered toilet training at 26 months and could communicate in an understandable manner. Altogether, her overall behaviour was typical for her age, reflecting her brain development stage.
Now, my son is almost 21 months old, and his tantrums are increasing. For instance, when the doorbell rings, he wants to go outside, even if it’s raining. Nevertheless, when it’s convenient, we spend time playing outdoors. He loves his tricycle and playing with the ball. If his friend takes the ball while he’s on the tricycle, he bursts into hot tears. I neither understand nor condone this act but I empathize with him. Of course, I also use these moments to teach sharing and taking turns. Sometimes it works!
On the other hand, my daughter is three, and she still has occasional meltdowns. Recently, she cried through breakfast because I sat in her brother’s blue’s chair instead of her pink chair. Understanding that tantrums are inevitable at this stage gives me some peace. I then try to approach these moments with grace and patience. But honestly, sometimes I ignore repeated tantrums to discourage the behaviour.
7 Steps to Managing the “Terrible Twos”
- Show empathy: You might not fully understand what your toddler is feeling, but you can try to empathize with them.
- Redirect the child: If turning off the TV causes a meltdown, offer them something else of interest. It’s playdough or art for my daughter; and cars or Lego for my son.
- Communicate: Talking to your toddlers about situations can reduce meltdowns as they begin to understand actions before they happen.
- Respect meal and sleep times: Most crankiness comes from hunger or tiredness. A routine helps manage this.
- Ignore some behaviours: Ignoring certain behaviours can discourage tantrums, but never ignore actions that could harm your child.
- Avoid unnecessary yelling: Save the yelling for important moments to prevent your toddler from developing a habit of shouting.
- Practice being calm: Easier said than done, but taking deep breaths can help you stay calm.
Research Insight
Watch this one minute summary on “terrible twos: tantrums” by Boys Town Pediatrics.
According to Christiano D., (2019). the “terrible twos” phase is developmentally normal and may start before age two and last until age three or beyond. During this time, toddlers are trying to navigate their world, and frustrations arise when they can’t communicate their needs clearly. This often leads to tantrums and behaviours like kicking, biting, hitting, and throwing things.
Conclusion
The “terrible twos” phase is more fact than myth as most toddlers go through this stage. It can be very frustrating being unable to control something or, worse, being misunderstood. Imagine if you had a stressful day and things weren’t going your way – you might have a meltdown too! Similarly, toddlers struggle to control their emotions and need our sympathy. So, be gentle, but firm when necessary, and show love and support. It’s just a phase which will pass. As your little ones grow, they will start to express themselves better, and the tantrum phase will fade.
Action Point
Think of a recent meltdown your little one had. How did you react? Were you pleased with your reaction, or not? Share your thoughts and let’s learn from each other!
Reference
Boys Town Pediatrics. February 17 2016. Terrible Twos: Tantrums. Accessed on 21 May 2024. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4_c3lT1TFo
Christiano, D. February 25 2019. What to Expect from the Terrible Twos. Accessed on 21 May 2024. Available at: https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/terrible-twos#causes